Ways to cope when your spouse is deployed.
Keeping your emotions in balance can be a real challenge when your spouse is deployed. You are likely to experience different emotions in clearly defined stages, starting when you first learn about the deployment and continuing until well after your spouse has returned. As you go through this "emotional cycle of deployment," you may experience feelings ranging from fear, anger, and loneliness to joy, relief, and anticipation. Sometimes you may feel a combination of these emotions all at one time. The information here will help you know what to expect. It will also help you recognize signs that you may be having trouble coping during any stage of the cycle. Finally, it will help you understand where to find help if you need it. This knowledge and awareness will help you manage the stress that all military spouses feel during their loved one's deployment.
Before the deployment
When you first learn about the deployment, you're likely to see-saw between pretending that the deployment isn't really going to happen (sometimes called "denial") and starting to think about what it will be like to live without your spouse for a long period of time. You may feel confused, stressed, resentful, or depressed. Many couples argue more than usual as they try to take care of all of their pre-deployment tasks.
As the time of departure comes closer, some spouses begin to feel detached or withdrawn as their service members invest more time and emotional commitment in the mission. Common reactions to an impending deployment include feelings of hopelessness and impatience. Some couples may feel a decrease in emotional or physical closeness.
If you experience any of these emotions during the pre-deployment period, remember that it's important to:
Keep the lines of communication open. It's important to talk about your own feelings and to listen when your service member shares his or her feelings. It's also helpful to discuss what you expect from each other during the deployment, including how you will communicate.
Create opportunities for lasting memories during the separation. It may not be easy to set aside the "honey-do" lists, the pre-deployment preparations, or your mixed feelings about getting too close before the separation. But building in some quality time together in a relaxed atmosphere will provide warm memories to sustain you during the deployment.
Get to know other military spouses who are going through the same experience. By participating in family readiness activities and other unit or installation events you can find comfort in sharing your experiences and begin building a network of support during the deployment.
During the deployment
Many family members go through a difficult adjustment period in the first weeks after their service member leaves. You may have feelings of sadness, depression, disorientation, anxiety, loneliness, or anger, or combinations of those feelings. At times you may feel overwhelmed. Fortunately, this feeling of being on an emotional roller coaster often gives way to a growing sense of self confidence, independence, and freedom.
Here are some suggestions that have helped others cope during a spouse's deployment:
Try to find things to look forward to. Take a class, volunteer, or start a project you've always wanted to do. Set some personal goals for yourself during the deployment period and make a point of be open to new experiences and friendships.
Reach out to others who are in the same situation. Remember that you aren't alone. Plan an event with other families who are coping with a deployment or find a support group through your military community.
Don't try to hide your feelings. It's normal to feel sad, lonely, or angry when you've been separated from your spouse. You don't have to hide these feelings -- that may just make it harder to deal with them. Talk about how you feel with people whom you trust.
Do something special for yourself and your family. Rent a movie or cook a meal that your spouse wouldn't necessarily enjoy. Plan fun outings with children during free time. Make time to read a book you've been wanting to read or visit with a friend.
Try to concentrate on the things you can control. It's normal to worry about your spouse's safety during a deployment or about when he or she will come home, but remember, these are things you can't control. Try to focus on things that you can control, like spending time with family and friends or signing up for a class or volunteer opportunity.
Ignore rumors. The military may not be able to give detailed information about the whereabouts and activities of specific units during a deployment. This makes for a climate where it's easy for rumors and gossip to get started. It may be difficult to ignore rumors or gossip, but you'll be much better off if you do. Rely on official sources of information when a family member has been deployed.
Learn some stress management techniques that work for you. The stress of living without your service member can take a toll on the way you feel and think. Try out some different ways to relieve stress, such as an exercise class, keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings, or practicing meditation or deep breathing.
Seek support from your faith community. Many people find comfort and solace in their faith communities during difficult times.
Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep and exercise, eat healthy meals, and be sure to carry a bottle of water with you. It can be easy to become dehydrated when you're preoccupied and under stress.
Homecoming and the post-deployment period
As the end of the deployment gets nearer, military spouses experience growing excitement and anticipation, as well as apprehension. You'll wonder how your service member has changed, knowing that you have changed, too. You may have concerns about what your relationship will be like after you've been apart for so long.
The post-deployment period can last from a few weeks to several months. You may experience stress and frustration as you and your service member renegotiate your marriage roles and responsibilities. You may also feel confused and uncertain, as well as joyful, as you work with your service member to reclaim your intimacy. The reintegration process may be especially difficult if your service member is having difficulty disengaging from combat or is suffering from combat stress.
There are several things you can focus on to reduce stress for you and your family during these emotional times. Here are a few suggestions:
Maintain a positive, nonjudgmental attitude. There may be uncomfortable moments as you and your service member get reacquainted and begin rebuilding your relationship. The right attitude will help to lower stress and frustration when getting back together doesn't seem to be going the way you expected.
Talk openly and honestly about your experiences during the deployment and how you've changed. It can help you reestablish a foundation of healthy communication and encourage your service member to trust you with his or her deployment experiences.
Try to be patient. It may be some time before you and your spouse feel relaxed and comfortable together. You may have to modify your expectations often during the post-deployment period, so it's important to keep in mind that time and patience are critical to the process of recovering from combat experience and in reestablishing an intimate relationship.
Make plans. Making plans together -- whether it's for a weekend outing or something more elaborate -- can help you focus on your life together and the future. Talking together about dreams and ideas can help you feel closer. It can also help reduce anxiety about where your relationship is going.
Asking for help
At any stage in the emotional cycle of deployment, military spouses can feel overwhelmed and unsure about their ability to cope. It's critical to remember that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness -- it's a sign that you care about yourself and your family. Don't hesitate to ask friends or family for emotional support, help with the household, child care, elder care, or anything else you need.
If you're feeling sad much of the time or so anxious that you're having difficulty taking care of everyday tasks and routines, you may need the kind of help that professionals provide. Use the resources below to find help in assessing your needs and connecting with a counselor or other community support services.
Your military support services
Each service branch sponsors information and support programs for service members and their families. You can call or visit any installation Army Community Service Center, Marine Corps Community Services, Fleet and Family Support Center, or Airman and Family Readiness Center regardless of your branch affiliation.
If you aren't near an installation, National Guard Family Assistance Centers are available in every state. The Local Community Resource Finder on the National Guard Family Program at www.guardfamily.org will identify your closest center.
Military OneSource
This free 24-hour service is available to all active duty, Guard, and Reserve members and their families. Consultants provide information and make referrals on a wide range of issues, including issues related to deployment. Up to six free face-to-face counseling sessions are also available. Call 1-800-342-9647 or go to www.militaryonesource.com. Provided by the Department of Defense.
usarmymagana, assumes no responsibility for the content of this listing and the item offered.
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Keeping your emotions in balance can be a real challenge when your spouse is deployed. You are likely to experience different emotions in clearly defined stages, starting when you first learn about the deployment and continuing until well after your spouse has returned. As you go through this "emotional cycle of deployment," you may experience feelings ranging from fear, anger, and loneliness to joy, relief, and anticipation. Sometimes you may feel a combination of these emotions all at one time. The information here will help you know what to expect. It will also help you recognize signs that you may be having trouble coping during any stage of the cycle. Finally, it will help you understand where to find help if you need it. This knowledge and awareness will help you manage the stress that all military spouses feel during their loved one's deployment.
Before the deployment
When you first learn about the deployment, you're likely to see-saw between pretending that the deployment isn't really going to happen (sometimes called "denial") and starting to think about what it will be like to live without your spouse for a long period of time. You may feel confused, stressed, resentful, or depressed. Many couples argue more than usual as they try to take care of all of their pre-deployment tasks.
As the time of departure comes closer, some spouses begin to feel detached or withdrawn as their service members invest more time and emotional commitment in the mission. Common reactions to an impending deployment include feelings of hopelessness and impatience. Some couples may feel a decrease in emotional or physical closeness.
If you experience any of these emotions during the pre-deployment period, remember that it's important to:
Keep the lines of communication open. It's important to talk about your own feelings and to listen when your service member shares his or her feelings. It's also helpful to discuss what you expect from each other during the deployment, including how you will communicate.
Create opportunities for lasting memories during the separation. It may not be easy to set aside the "honey-do" lists, the pre-deployment preparations, or your mixed feelings about getting too close before the separation. But building in some quality time together in a relaxed atmosphere will provide warm memories to sustain you during the deployment.
Get to know other military spouses who are going through the same experience. By participating in family readiness activities and other unit or installation events you can find comfort in sharing your experiences and begin building a network of support during the deployment.
During the deployment
Many family members go through a difficult adjustment period in the first weeks after their service member leaves. You may have feelings of sadness, depression, disorientation, anxiety, loneliness, or anger, or combinations of those feelings. At times you may feel overwhelmed. Fortunately, this feeling of being on an emotional roller coaster often gives way to a growing sense of self confidence, independence, and freedom.
Here are some suggestions that have helped others cope during a spouse's deployment:
Try to find things to look forward to. Take a class, volunteer, or start a project you've always wanted to do. Set some personal goals for yourself during the deployment period and make a point of be open to new experiences and friendships.
Reach out to others who are in the same situation. Remember that you aren't alone. Plan an event with other families who are coping with a deployment or find a support group through your military community.
Don't try to hide your feelings. It's normal to feel sad, lonely, or angry when you've been separated from your spouse. You don't have to hide these feelings -- that may just make it harder to deal with them. Talk about how you feel with people whom you trust.
Do something special for yourself and your family. Rent a movie or cook a meal that your spouse wouldn't necessarily enjoy. Plan fun outings with children during free time. Make time to read a book you've been wanting to read or visit with a friend.
Try to concentrate on the things you can control. It's normal to worry about your spouse's safety during a deployment or about when he or she will come home, but remember, these are things you can't control. Try to focus on things that you can control, like spending time with family and friends or signing up for a class or volunteer opportunity.
Ignore rumors. The military may not be able to give detailed information about the whereabouts and activities of specific units during a deployment. This makes for a climate where it's easy for rumors and gossip to get started. It may be difficult to ignore rumors or gossip, but you'll be much better off if you do. Rely on official sources of information when a family member has been deployed.
Learn some stress management techniques that work for you. The stress of living without your service member can take a toll on the way you feel and think. Try out some different ways to relieve stress, such as an exercise class, keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings, or practicing meditation or deep breathing.
Seek support from your faith community. Many people find comfort and solace in their faith communities during difficult times.
Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep and exercise, eat healthy meals, and be sure to carry a bottle of water with you. It can be easy to become dehydrated when you're preoccupied and under stress.
Homecoming and the post-deployment period
As the end of the deployment gets nearer, military spouses experience growing excitement and anticipation, as well as apprehension. You'll wonder how your service member has changed, knowing that you have changed, too. You may have concerns about what your relationship will be like after you've been apart for so long.
The post-deployment period can last from a few weeks to several months. You may experience stress and frustration as you and your service member renegotiate your marriage roles and responsibilities. You may also feel confused and uncertain, as well as joyful, as you work with your service member to reclaim your intimacy. The reintegration process may be especially difficult if your service member is having difficulty disengaging from combat or is suffering from combat stress.
There are several things you can focus on to reduce stress for you and your family during these emotional times. Here are a few suggestions:
Maintain a positive, nonjudgmental attitude. There may be uncomfortable moments as you and your service member get reacquainted and begin rebuilding your relationship. The right attitude will help to lower stress and frustration when getting back together doesn't seem to be going the way you expected.
Talk openly and honestly about your experiences during the deployment and how you've changed. It can help you reestablish a foundation of healthy communication and encourage your service member to trust you with his or her deployment experiences.
Try to be patient. It may be some time before you and your spouse feel relaxed and comfortable together. You may have to modify your expectations often during the post-deployment period, so it's important to keep in mind that time and patience are critical to the process of recovering from combat experience and in reestablishing an intimate relationship.
Make plans. Making plans together -- whether it's for a weekend outing or something more elaborate -- can help you focus on your life together and the future. Talking together about dreams and ideas can help you feel closer. It can also help reduce anxiety about where your relationship is going.
Asking for help
At any stage in the emotional cycle of deployment, military spouses can feel overwhelmed and unsure about their ability to cope. It's critical to remember that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness -- it's a sign that you care about yourself and your family. Don't hesitate to ask friends or family for emotional support, help with the household, child care, elder care, or anything else you need.
If you're feeling sad much of the time or so anxious that you're having difficulty taking care of everyday tasks and routines, you may need the kind of help that professionals provide. Use the resources below to find help in assessing your needs and connecting with a counselor or other community support services.
Your military support services
Each service branch sponsors information and support programs for service members and their families. You can call or visit any installation Army Community Service Center, Marine Corps Community Services, Fleet and Family Support Center, or Airman and Family Readiness Center regardless of your branch affiliation.
If you aren't near an installation, National Guard Family Assistance Centers are available in every state. The Local Community Resource Finder on the National Guard Family Program at www.guardfamily.org will identify your closest center.
Military OneSource
This free 24-hour service is available to all active duty, Guard, and Reserve members and their families. Consultants provide information and make referrals on a wide range of issues, including issues related to deployment. Up to six free face-to-face counseling sessions are also available. Call 1-800-342-9647 or go to www.militaryonesource.com. Provided by the Department of Defense.
usarmymagana, assumes no responsibility for the content of this listing and the item offered.
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